Showing posts with label trials. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trials. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

My Rock

My Angels

Unsure where to start, how to begin, what to cover. I of course knew my angelic daughter Tory sometime, not too long though, before I met Christian-my husband today-her daddy. He was a bit easily embarrassed when around a spunky young lady like myself. I am the funny chatterbox. He loves to hear it. He is the loving one in comparison in many ways. Humble soul. One who took on so much, following his second divorce. He wasn't just dating me, but being Tory's only father figure since a few months after her birth and a few months following my 1st brain surgery. 
He knew I went thru that 1st brain surgery. He very much knew I had to move to Killeen to see if my now ex would be a better husband, more so father. He heard from me 5th day -7th of October -after moving there-informing him my ex had a terrible temperament the late night prior and chose to beat me about 11PM October 6, 2002.

It was from that point on I was done with my ex. You can't do that in general, but along with my baby in the apartment. It took a couple months but I finally was back in Phoenix, AZ area. Which is where Christian''s family is as well and where Christian had lived before. 

So we began dating from afar-he was still up in Seattle. Unfortunately he didn't quite grip all that was going on with me and my epilepsy. I'd have so many times he'd visit I'd be blasted, as if I were drunk. But it was the high dosing of Phenobarbital that would do that, would knock me out, and even put me into coma and more. He put up not understanding for the love he had for me, and for Tory. His heart is unexplainable. But here we are today-having dated 14 years and been married for 9-happier than ever. We just don't change. My medicated and struggling health attitude can sure snap- but for the most part he is so even keeled, so loving, and just wants things fixed for me.

When we got married we got our own home. Tory loved him as daddy, called him that since 4. At 3 it was Christian-daddy!! But my ex decided to try to see her finally a little more. He'd come to AZ once a month. As adults we all handled it ok. But ironically my daughter began having seizures during that time due to hereditary from me and stress of my ex trying to get her to call him dad. It wasn't comfortable. The loving man that was there since very young age was/is Christian. She stood her own ground.

My ex finally moved on, got married. She just didn't like our legal terms with Tory. All communication was thru Biological parents. One, last trip she had there-was her standing ground I have to go thru her. So my ex refused to answer his phone - day 8 came and my brother tore them to shreds and got my baby on the phone. It was shortly after my ex called me to get his money and retirement - and to give Tory completely to me for Christian to adopt. God has a purpose for everything!! Christian is very much her dad!! I praise God for that!

With the times being tough on me health wise- we were first preparing and getting thru my 2nd brain surgery, then also had tough seizures following, prior my 3rd awake brain surgery. My husband was there in every way possible-for me, supporting me, for Tory, comforting Tory, and work thru it all. He is my rock.

We all pretty much know the tough that followed with the 3rd awake brain surgery. I honestly got more negative every month. Hopeless. He'd be full of hope. I lost that edge. With all our moves across the country, every time we wind up back in Phoenix, AZ and after some dramatic ordeal occurs - I am basically cured after. In 2012 it was a stroke. He laughed with a big smile at the only 4 words my brain could remember. But I know that is his true love. But recently, in the pool with my baby girl, I had to get out. My brain understanding was over-verbal skills done. But I saw Jesus as He told me I was going to Heaven. So in crazy language I was telling my brother I was leaving. While Christian and Tory were on the phone with 911. I finally felt my heart begin to stop, and breathing stopped completely. I was exiting. But I then was awakened by my husband doing CPR!!! 

I put this man, one who lives for me, thru so much. His life is me and Tory. I am forever so grateful to God. He is fun, sweet, loving, and so overly giving. For once in my life I can truly say I am in love, and have been in love, and will always be in love with dear Christian!!! No matter what occurs in life!! I only feel better today from family like you and Tory. I love you beyond your own comprehension!!! 

Love,

Hetty 

Song of Solomon  2:8
Ah, I hear my lover coming! He is leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills!

Song of Solomon 2:16
My lover is mine and I am his. He browses among the lilies. 

Song of Solomon 4:10
Your love delights me, my treasure, my bride. You love is better than wine, your perfume more fragrant than spices.


My Angels from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

Monday, December 5, 2016

Why oh Why

















Why oh Why??
July 2007
By Hetty Jeanette Jensen-Siebens


Life sure feels it's ending
Why did I ever start?
With all these complications-
What keeps me from falling apart?

Do you keep on moving for
When your life is in a twirl?
Or do you shutter in the corner
Just like that little girl?

Why oh why
Do people stare at me?
Do they know my past and present,
Do they know who I'm going to be?

Oh why oh why
Do they stare me down?
Is it what I've given up for them
With no emotions, just a frown?

We should all have emotions
And even some breakdowns
To ever feel the love out there
We must let our true souls out!

Once they've been released
And we begin to find ourselves
We wonder why we kept them in
Placing all feelings on our shelves

"Don't let others rule your life "
My ex told me as his lie
With his angry harsh hands
He beat me down like some crazy guy
But I will never truly understand
His action he completely denied
So no longer could we even try

Why this one wants the wrong but the other has no goal
Why this one hurt my skin but the other hurt my soul
I no longer want to play this game, I just don't want to shout
How do you talk, how do you vent and get your feelings out!!??

Is life about what happened?
I fixed a lot somehow
It may be a steep hill from here
I'm gonna start climbing now!
... up and up do not fall!
... up and up don't you crawl
Just open your heart and let no one tear it apart

NOW when people are glancing at me
I think they see my inside too!
Not just what I've endured, but what I'm gonna do!
I know I'm gonna make it, I'm gonna make it thru!!!

I know I thought about stopping life
Life to me seemed way too hard!
You must learn to open up your heart
Not just keep it all on guard

When all bad thoughts would come to mind
I would help them disappear
You can find your true self deep inside
Do not end it all in fear!!

By Hetty Siebens

July 2007

In His Grip,

Hetty Siebens

Praise Jesus for all His Love, Plans, Patience with me. For all HE has done for me from beginning to now- never could I imagine life without Him.